I've been meditating for awhile and felt like I had hit a wall of sort, my day to day life has been the same for awhile, my thoughts, my conversations etc. Same old.
As with most plateaus you either grind it through, change it up or just take a break.
This time I got sick and it was similar to how I would get sick as a kid. During my meditation I focused on that familiarity and it lead me to the memories of my mum taking care of me and just her pure love for me. She's getting old now, she's lonely and I can see her mind isn't as sharp as it use to be. I had this experience of appreciation that I simply haven't tapped into for a long time.
Which then YouTube suggested this guided meditation
And it's lead to me crying each time for my mum. I keep getting these sensations in my body that I hadn't felt in years. Like an unblocking of a river channel.
I guess part of me is truly facing the current moment of my mum's life. For so long I thought she'd live forever. She'd be sharp and strong and alive.
Which in then makes me face myself. I won't always be this age yet I feel like I've lived for so long as if I won't get old (if I'm even lucky to)
Thus for the first time in awhile I feel truly alive. I feel excited for the moment because I feel this sense that time is running out for the current situation (I feel like I could word that better)
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